A Thousand Kisses
by waatp
Summary: People were jealous of idyllic lifestyle of the young Beca and Jesse Swanson. But dark clouds have a habit of rolling by when you are least expecting them. Based on Christiana Perri's song - A Thousand Years. Jeca based one shot with a Kleenex warning.


**A/N - A quick one shot based off of the Christina Perri "A Thousand Years" song. If you don't know the song, I really do suggest a listen. **

**As per requests, this potentially may have a Kleenex warning for some folk.**

**Thank you to cajunqueen714 for beta'ing the hot mess this was and for insisting I post it :). I appreciate your support more than you'll ever know.  
**

* * *

**.o0o. A Thousand Kisses .o0o.**

**_Heart beats fast  
Colors and promises  
How to be brave?  
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?  
But watching you stand alone  
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow._**

**.o0o.**

In all honesty, Jesse felt useless.

He heard the kind words spoken and shook the hands held out to him and the bumps on the shoulder from those who couldn't voice their thoughts. He agreed to call well meaning friends if he needed anything and tolerated the grief from others and accepted the truth of what had happened. The piles of cards were mostly left unopened and unread, while the donations of home cooked meals and food parcels sat on the counter in the kitchen; too much to fit in the refrigerator or freezer. He knew his Mom would take care of that. He knew his Dad would be the one keeping the house in order, opening the door to quiet knocks and fielding phone calls from saddened friends and relatives. But that did not help him feel less dazed, pathetic, worthless and frankly; troubled.

_'Be brave.'_ They said. _'Time is a great healer.'_ They said. _'Look after her.'_ They said. _'You can get through this. You are young.'_ They said. _'It just wasn't meant to be which sucks.'_ They said. _'God works in mysterious ways. He takes his Angels young.''_ They said. _'Don't fall apart now, she needs you.'_ They said.

And all the while, all he wanted to do was scream _'what about me?'_. All he wanted to do was to lie down where it was quiet, listen to some awful, heavy based music who's lead singer sounded like he was having a leg removed by a chainsaw, just to fill the white noise in between his ears. The thumping in his chest proving to his numbed brain that his body was working overtime to deal with all of this. And he couldn't fall apart. They were right. Beca did need him.

**.o0o.**

Everything about Beca and Jesse Swanson's life was idyllic. College sweethearts from nineteen years old, they finished University, both passing with honours before embarking on a trip around the world for eight months thanks to a generous legacy left to Jesse by his grandfather who had sadly passed away at the age of ninety two while Beca and Jesse were studying for their finals. They travelled to far off places; visited countries that they had only dreamed of.

Jesse had everything planned right. He knew he would know the _moment_ when the time was right. He didn't care if it was on top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, on a sunny beach in Spain, while they were photographing lions in the Serengeti or snaffling a couple of cold beers whilst sitting in a public house in the depths of the Australian outback.

They were both twenty two and walking, fingers interlocked, along the beginning of the trail of Machu Picchu in Peru when Beca suddenly lost her footing and slipped, landing heavily on the floor. She was checked out by the groups' medic and declared 'clumsy'. Beca and Jesse had laughed heartily about it as Beca was possibly one of the most agile people they knew. But together they sat on a rock for a while, sharing one of the canteens of water they had with them and watched as several hikers walked past, most of them enquiring whether the young couple were okay. Beca didn't seem badly hurt at first but within an hour, the headaches started and her hands and feet began to swell. Jesse took the decision for them to head back down the trail and visit the local doctor.

Within minutes of their descent, Beca began to get delirious and not caring whether or not it was the right thing to do, Jesse picked her up, threw her over his shoulder and carried her to the nearest First Aid tent where the nurses fussed over the unconscious young foreigner. She was transferred to the local hospital where a CT scan showed a small brain bleed.

**_Heart beats fast_**

Jesse had felt so afraid.

He sat by her bedside for two days willing her to be okay. He called her father and cried down to the phone to his Mom, promising to let them all know how she was doing and if they needed to come. It was during the night on the third day that Beca stirred and gripped Jesse's fingers as he lay slumped against her bed. With bleary eyes and the makings of a scruffy stubble beard, Jesse had startled immediately and peppered her face with kisses, unbelievably happy that she had come out of her coma. As soon as the doctors had checked Beca over and declared her well, without any further hesitation, Jesse had reached into the pocket of his cargo pants where he'd been carrying a little black box for seven months and plucked out a small diamond ring, dropping to his knees and, in between tears, telling her how much he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and would she do the honour of being his wife.

Beca had given him the stink eye.

He tried again a week later, whilst they sat by the Iguazu Falls in Brazil and again two weeks later as they dug their toes into the soft, white sands of the beach in Todos Santos, relaxing under a cabana with a hideously garish pineapple flavoured cocktail and two straws.

Beca just shook her head.

Jesse wasn't worried. He knew she loved him and if anyone had asked her outright, she would tell them that Jesse was the one for her and her heart belonged to him and him alone. He _knew_ she loved him in the way she laughed at his jokes, she appreciated his attempts at romantic gestures whether it was writing messages in the sand or the way she joined him at night time; letting him wrap his body around hers, pulling her close to him. She'd never tell him otherwise but the nights that they had to sleep in separate beds, she was restless and missed the way he drooled into her hair as they slept.

She never turned him down when he held her in his arms, kissing her passionately with an eagerness and a bulge in his pants. More often than not, she'd be the one to kiss him as they slipped into bed, tugging off her shirt and rolling on top of him. He let her take charge; not wanting to break the spirit of her independence, the trait he loved the most about her.

Jesse wanted to marry her desperately; the few days in the hospital proving that he couldn't function properly without her. But he did accept that perhaps his timing wasn't right. Still, it was with a slight pang of regret that, as they disembarked the plane in Atlanta and caught a taxi back to his parent's house, he hadn't managed to get the ring on her finger while they had been away.

They pulled up outside his childhood home and dragged their backpacks to the front door. Jesse was about to knock on the door when it was pulled open with vigour and his Mom dragged them both inside, hugging and kissing them both several times as they laughed and struggled to breathe.

Jesse was about to question why all of the downstairs doors were shut when from every corner of the house, people popped up and called out 'SURPRISE!'. He didn't have time to question what was going on as he was dragged into the large, airy living room where more people waited.

He just watched in amazement as Beca dropped to one knee, holding out a watch that he'd seen in London but hadn't had the money to buy. His mouth dropped open as he realised that Beca had organised this whole thing, needing one last gimmick to prove to him that she was the one wearing the trousers in the relationship. He'd never loved her more.

As they lay in bed together later on, his parents having booked them into a local hotel for the night, both drenched in sweat as they rolled around the bed, he tortured her relentlessly. He brought her close to release so many times, denying her the final wave of ecstasy as he teased her for saying no to him so many times. They both knew their life would be long and happy together.

**_Colors and promises_**

They had a colourful wedding six months later full of hopes, dreams and promises for the future. It was a lavish affair filled with good food, family and friends. Both the Bellas and the Trebles performed late into the night and in a style true to her own, Beca and Jesse left on the back of a Harley, her fitted wedding dress flowing behind them as she tossed her bouquet, watching as it landed in Amy's arms.

They both got jobs; Jesse taking a internship with a music production company and stocking shelves in the evening at his local grocery store. Beca found work at the local radio station but also took a part time job at the local high school teaching music. She found her niche there, enjoying the student's enthusiasm and talent and after just one year, she was offered and accepted took a full time position.

They bought a small house. It needed a lot of work but Beca was very persuasive and soon roped her friends into helping them. Aubrey, the resident interior designer of the group, decked out their ground floor with furniture and fittings she had secured from manufacturers. Some were second hand, had slight damage or were simply uncollected orders but to the untrained eye, they looked no different than the finest stores merchandise, just at a fraction of the cost. Jesse was instructed to deal with the outside of the house and most weekends saw him, Benji and Bumper clearing out gutters, replanting the back yard and replacing the crooked chimney in the back room.

By the time they hit twenty five, they were settled. Jesse's elder brother had produced a couple of children, two boys aged four and six and they loved having them to spend weekends with them, enjoying the excuse to visit the zoo and the amusement park. Jesse would swing Taylor onto his shoulders and Beca would hold Hunter by the hand as they stopped for ice cream and let them stay up past their bedroom with a secret handshake and a promise not to tell their parents.

Both Jesse and Beca would lean on the door frame, coffee in hand and watch their young charges as they drifted off to sleep, silently in agreement that they wanted to expand their family as soon as they could. As everything else had fallen into place for them, they assumed that having children would be as easy as pie.

**_How to be brave?_**

Every month was a disappointment.

For four years, Beca would sink a little lower into herself, shutting out the world around her on occasion as it started to become apparent that they were struggling. They researched on the internet on how to get healthy and prepare themselves for a baby. They lost a little weight, got gym memberships and learnt how to relax more. They took long walks, had weekends away and rented out Chloe's family cabin up in the mountains for time to be together. They spent time with family and friends but it seemed that everyone around them was having children or if they weren't, they were asking them when they were going to start.

Eventually Beca fell pregnant and her eyes shone with tears as she held up the pregnancy test for Jesse to see. He picked her up and spun her around and they danced in the bathroom for a while before agreeing to wait until they had had their first scan before telling everyone.

Which was just as well as their first doctor's appointment proved that miracles can be short lived and there was no heartbeat. Further tests showed that they were both healthy and there was no reason why they couldn't try again in a few months. They were told the same thing after the second, third, fourth and fifth time it happened despite getting further along each time.

**_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?_**

Beca wanted to give up. She was angry at Jesse, her hormones all over the place as he desperately tried to comfort her. She didn't want to try again in case it failed and they'd have to deal with the aftermath and the pain and the tortured minds. Beca blamed herself for being incomplete, for not being able to give Jesse what he truly wanted. She refused to keep trying, reminding him that she had to go through all of the physical pain of losing the baby. Beca would start an argument and bitter, hot tears were shed along with a tirade of abusive and hurtful words until Jesse would ask what was happening and what were they doing to each other.

Jesse kept his emotions to himself, bottling up his fear and sadness. He turned to Benji who had remained faithfully by his side after all these years. Benji offered a beer and a pool cue and let Jesse take out his anger on the pool table, smashing the balls into the pockets before flinging the cue down onto the floor. He had to be strong for Beca and not let her see how this was getting to him too.

Beca felt Jesse was pulling away from her. She'd often wake in the middle of the night and find his side of the bed cold and empty but it took six months after her refusal to start trying again to reason that something was clearly up with him.

**_But watching you stand alone  
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow._**

One night she felt him leave their bed, both having fallen asleep with their backs to each other; Beca no longer wanting him to hold her as they fell asleep. She found him standing in the dark in a corner of their living room, taking generous glugs from an open whiskey bottle in his hand. She saw he had lined up her early scan photos together with the swatches of wallpaper and fabrics that they had picked out for the nursery; entwining their love of music with teddy bears. She watched him silently from the door, his back to her as the tears ran down his face, falling from his chin and hitting the carpet with a soundless splash.

Watching him alone made Beca realise that he was suffering too. With a thousand emotions coursing through her core, she walked up behind him and slipped her arms around him, folding her hands over his heart and lovingly placing kisses across his back.

Jesse turned, slightly startled and tried to hide the pictures that he had been looking at, forcing the bottle down by his side. She could smell the whiskey on him anyway and as she reached up to kiss him as he snaked an arm around her shoulder, she tasted his sadness on his lips.

Wordlessly she pulled him towards the stairs, taking the bottle from him and placing it on the steps as they followed each other back to bed. She pushed him back into the pillows and climbed on top of him, pulling at the strings of his pyjamas pants and shimming them over his slim hips. He kicked them off as she raised her arms above her head, taking the thin camisole with her and his eyes grew big and wide as he took in her nearly naked form.

He knew he wasn't reading the signals wrong as she lowered herself onto his bare chest and he slipped his hands around her back as he felt her relax into him.

**_One step closer_**

A few months later, it was a sunny Saturday afternoon and they were both working in the garden, pulling weeds and neatening the flower beds. The day was warm and the cloudless sky a decent shade of blue. They had a couple of hours to themselves before Chloe and her husband David were due to come round for dinner that evening; Chloe having offered to bring her infamous barbecued ribs with her. Beca, having felt slightly under the weather with a summer cold, agreed and was happy getting some fresh air in the garden.

"I'm just going in for a shower." Jesse said, stretching his back and rolling his shoulders as he stood. "Then I'm going to make a quick stop to the liquor store before they get here."

"Okay." Beca said, nodding as she pulled off the gardening gloves, checking the time on the wedding anniversary gift on her wrist. "I'll finish up here and make some potato salad before I jump in the tub."

"Good idea." Jesse said, leaning down to plant a loving kiss on the top of his wife's head. He gathered up the tools they had been using and placed them in the shed before heading into the house. Beca followed soon after, washing her hands and the potatoes at the same time, before placing them in a large pan on the stove and turning the heat on low. She reached into the vegetable rack for the onions and had just started to chop when she felt a familiar metallic tang in her mouth. A wave of nausea followed soon after and she gripped the worktop as a cold shiver ran down her spine.

The moment passed quickly enough and she shook her head to clear the foggy thoughts. Turning towards the sink, she stretched across the draining board for a glass to fill when her eye caught the calendar on the opposite wall. She cocked her head to one side as a distant memory rolled around her mind and slowly walked across the tiles floor, reaching for the top page of their shared diary and turning over several pages until she found what she was looking for. Mentally calculating in her head, she spun around and headed for the stairs.

"I'm going to the drugstore." She called up the stairs.

"What?" Jesse shouted back from their bedroom.

"I'll be five minutes."

"Can't hear you." Jesse said as he came out of the bedroom, his dirty clothes in one hand. His answer was the front door shutting behind Beca.

Reasoning that she had forgotten something for the potato salad, he busied himself for a few moments in the bathroom mirror, checking out his guns and admiring his full head of hair. He switched the steam shower on and stepped into it, feeling the warm water relax his shoulders.

In the meantime, Beca had taken their car and gone to the local store. Walking past the beer that she knew Jesse wanted, she headed for the pharmacy and collected what she needed before hurrying back to the car and heading home. In the downstairs bathroom, she unwrapped her package and followed the instructions.

She could hear Jesse singing as she came up the stairs. She pulled open the bathroom door just as he reached the chorus and pulled open the shower door with an audible pop.

"... you know it baby … Beca!? What the hell?!"

Walking into the shower fully clothed, Beca thrust the pregnancy test into his hand. Jesse flailed at the faucet trying to stem the flow of water as he tried to see what Beca was showing him. The water cascaded down over both of them and he brushed his hand over his face several times so he could see.

"Is that …?" Jesse asked as he took the stick from Beca.

"Yes!" Beca said, her soggy face shining.

"Since when?!"

"I'm guessing about four months!"

"Are you serious?" Jesse said softly, as he gathered up her soaking wet form in his arms. He kissed her endlessly as he stared at the test. "Are you okay?"

"I think so." Beca said. "I mean, I _just_ found out."

"We need to cancel tonight."

"No, we don't!" Beca said, cupping his chin in her hands. "We'll do this and make an appointment at the clinic for Monday."

"It's definitely real though, this isn't a joke?" Jesse asked as he finally switched the water off.

"It's as real as the line on the pregnancy test says it is."

"How are we going to get through the night with Chloe and David?"

"The same as any other night! You and David get drunk and I spend the evening trying to avoid Chloe from copping a feel."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

**.o0o.**

**_I have died everyday waiting for you  
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more_**

**.o0o.**

Beca lay on top of her bed, stroking her little paunch with her left hand. She hadn't even noticed it three days previously but now, there it was. In her right hand she clutched the scan photo which proved and verified she was four months pregnant. She was talking out loud to the tiny baby in her belly when Jesse walked back into the room. He handed her a cup of hot tea which she took gratefully, sipping it slowly as she rested up on her elbows.

"And the doctor said that the heartbeat was strong, didn't she?" He asked, picking up the notes from the hospital and plucking the scan photo from Beca's fingers.

"As strong and loud as they had ever heard." Beca confirmed.

"Are you sure you are okay with all of this?" Jesse asked.

"Of course." Beca said, raising an eyebrow in his direction. "Why?"

"It's just, you haven't said much at all."

"I have been waiting for this day for as long as I can remember. A little piece of me has been dying since we lost the first baby. I needed this Jesse. I needed this more than I ever realised."

"Me too."

**.o0o.**

**_Time stands still_**

Both Jesse and Beca watched the screen as the sonographer wafted the wand over Beca's stomach.

She was now seven months pregnant but their journey had not been smooth. Fighting off a heavy cold had seen Beca bedridden for a week and a half. Her neck hurt, her arms felt heavy and she couldn't sleep. But Jesse never heard her complain at all. In fact, despite what she said to the contrary, he had said to her that he thought she had never looked more beautiful. They worried over every twinge, ripple and feeling. Their doctor was amazing with them, having known them since they had gotten married and scheduled appointments to meet with them, even stopping past on her way home from the hospital for a house visit.

The scan at five months had given them the shock of their lives when two heartbeats were found and just a couple of hours after texting their friends and family with the news, Aubrey, Amy, Chloe, Benji and Bumper had turned up at the house, bringing flowers and balloons and promises to babysit.

"Bagsy being Godmother!" Amy shouted as she barrelled through the door, brandishing a whole baked cheesecake like a weapon. She threw it on the kitchen counter before scooping Beca up and jostling her a few times, ignoring the squeals from the entire group to be careful with her and put her down.

"So you get one each to cuddle!" Aubrey laughed out as she tried to pull Amy away.

"We do!" Beca laughed, her face mashed into Amy's cleavage.

"Boys or girls?" Chloe asked, pulling Beca out of Amy's grasp.

"No idea!" Beca laughed. "I don't think they even offered us the option to find out."

Jesse laughed and Beca spun around, recognising the nervousness in his giggle instantly.

"Swanson, do you know?"

"How can you tell from that?" Aubrey asked.

"Look at the colour of his face!" Beca said, staring Jesse down until he caved.

"I asked while you went to the restroom." Jesse confessed.

"Well?!" Beca said as she descended on him, pushing him with her tiny hands.

"Well, what?" Jesse asked as he backed up into the wall. He tried to play dumb but his face broke into a thousand smiles as he hugged Beca to him.

"Tell me!" She begged.

"We're painting the nursery …" Jesse paused for effect before shouting out his answer. "... pink!"

**_Beauty in all she is_**

"I wonder who'll they look like." Jesse mumbled as they laid in bed that night, fingers interlocked and legs entwined. "I hope they take after you."

"Maybe." Beca whispered. "I don't care as long as they don't look like my Aunt Muriel -"

"- Is she the one -"

"- Yep." Beca said playfully.

"Nasty."

"I hope they grow tall, like you."

"I hope they have your attitude!"

"What do you mean?" Beca said, slightly on the defensive.

"Just mean that you are the strongest person I know." Jesse said, shifting his arm to wrap around her. Beca lifted her head to snuggle into his shoulder.

"Well, I've got you supporting my every step."

Jesse tucked a kiss onto her cheek.

"Two babies Jess!"

"I know, it's crazy, right?"

"One each."

"I want the one on the right for first cuddles!" Jesse laughed and Beca rubbed her belly.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."

**_I will be brave_**

"Who is your doctor?" The sonographer said, looking down at her notes, pausing during the seven month scan.

"Doctor Stephanie Meadows, over at Cedars Point." Jesse said, squeezing Beca's hand a little tighter. He wasn't worried in the slightest but he watched the colour drain out of Beca's face.

"Okay, okay. Guys, I just need to check something out. Can you sit tight for a minute?"

"Sure. Um, is everything okay?" Beca asked, lifting her head to gauge a reaction but she was already out of the door.

"It's okay. It's all okay." Jesse said, feeling Beca stiffen on the bed. "Nothing can go wrong now."

"Help me up?" Beca asked and Jesse scooped an arm under her shoulder and pulled on her arm at the same time.

"Come here." Jesse said, pulling her tight to his chest. "Don't be scared. It's all okay."

"I'm good. I'm braver than I look."

**_I will not let anything take away  
What's standing in front of me_**

Jesse and Beca sat next to each other on two hard plastic chairs as the doctor read through the notes explaining everything as best she could.

Beca sat with her fingers linked protectively over her belly, the thumbs absentmindedly rubbing small circles over her shirt. She had been quite pleased initially that she hadn't put on a lot of weight; they had kept up with their exercise plan and had been eating as healthily as possible. Beca's craving of pickles and popcorn had been easy to handle and other than constantly sniffing Jesse's neck, there hadn't been anything too weird. But now, as the doctor explained that the two babies were very small for their gestation, Beca wished she'd eaten everything in sight, overloaded herself with calories, piled on the pounds and been a better incubator.

"What do I need to do?" Beca asked, as a lone tear streaked down her cheek.

"How do you mean Mrs Swanson?" Doctor Meadows asked gently as she closed the folder in front of her and stood up, coming round to the front of her desk and perching on the edge of it.

"I mean is, what do I have to do to keep these babies safe?"

"We'll monitor you each week as I said but I think the next few weeks are critical for you to -"

"- Just tell me." Beca said, her cheeks flushing. "I'll do anything."

"I'd recommend daily injections to -"

"- She hates injections." Jesse interrupted. Beca quitened him with a '_sssh_'.

"I'd recommend complete bed rest and daily injections to prepare these little ones for an early arrival."

"You got it. I will do everything I can to get these babies born. No one will be taking these babies away from me."

**.o0o.**

**_Every breath  
Every hour has come to this_**

"Just take it easy Mrs Swanson." A kindly nurse spoke soothingly, trying to calm Beca down.

"We have to take each hour as it comes." Doctor Meadows said, nudging Beca back on the bed in order to examine her properly.

"I've not moved from this bed in ten days and then I'm told I'm in the early stages of premature labour. I've eaten double my body weight in food. I've got rid of all technology around me. I've not seen my friends for risk of infection. I've done everything you've asked of me." Beca sobbed through her tears. "Everything."

"I know, Beca, I know." Doctor Meadows said and she rolled on her gloves. "We'll take each hour as it comes. We're monitoring you as closely as we can."

"Where's Jesse?" Beca wailed as a ripple of pain shot through her belly. She tried shifting around on the bed to ease the pain but it was no use.

"He's on his way. He'll be here soon."

"Please!" Beca begged. "Please, I can't lose them."

"Beca, try to keep calm. If we have to deliver the girls now, we are in the best place to get them help as soon as they are on the outside."

"They can't be born yet."

"That's what we are trying to slow down. Now, try to keep still while Anna here attaches this drip to you. This is magnesium sulfate and nifedipine. It's all designed to stimulate the babies so if they are born, they have a fighting chance. It's all -"

"- BECA!" Jesse yelled as he burst into the floor, almost falling over. "I'm here!"

"Jesse." Beca cried out as he fell to the floor beside Beca's hospital bed, his hand instinctively going to her belly as the nurse injected the drugs directly into Beca's arm.

"It's okay, I'm here now. I'm here. Beca? Beca?" Jesse cried out as Beca's head instantly rolled to the side. The doctors head snapped up as the nurse pulled the needle out of Beca's arm.

"Nurse! What did you do?!"

**_One step closer_**

"She's still unconscious Mr Swanson."

"I know, but has there been any change?" Jesse asked. It had been 12 days since Beca had been given a highly concentrated dose of the premature labour drugs directly into her system. Designed to be given over a course of several hours through a drip, the risk to Beca's health and the wellbeing of her unborn daughters was astronomical. "Will she wake up?"

"We are doing everything we can. Right now, we have three people to worry about." Doctor Meadows did her best to reassure Jesse. She had seen broken people before but this young couple had a special place in her heart.

"What is happening with the girls?"

"Early labour was prevented. Right now, we are just hoping to get them as far along as possible to ensure their safe delivery."

"And what about Beca?"

"Mr. Swanson, I simply don't know at this stage."

Jesse slumped down onto the chair besides Beca's bed, reaching for her hand. He held her limp fingers in his own and kissed the tips of each of her fingers as he softly began to sing.

_"And all along I believed I would find you  
Time has brought your heart to me  
I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more"_

"Beca, wake up baby. Please, open your eyes. I need you. Please, come back to me."

**.o0o.**

**_One step closer_**

"Congratulations Mrs Swanson. You have made it to 37 weeks."

"It's delivery day. You want to be awake for this."

"Can you open your eyes for us Beca?"

The voices woke Jesse from his slumber. He'd been at the hospital night and day as he willed his family to stay strong and live. There had been no change in Beca's condition at all in the past few weeks and while every test possible had been performed on her, the machines and the monitors were what was keeping her alive until the babies were born.

It had been decided to deliver the twin girls at 37 weeks as regular monitoring of them had shown one to have an elevated heartbeat. Whilst the baby was not in distress, the medical staff discussing their case decided that Beca and Jesse's smaller twin would have a better chance on the outside.

Jesse's parents arrived at the hospital early along with Beca's father. The one or two friends who had been a constant support to Jesse while he stayed at the hospital was now their entire collection of friends. They filled the waiting room and refused to be moved. Jesse was grateful for their support.

"Note no change on the chart please." Doctor Meadows asked a nurse before turning her attention to Jesse, playing a cool hand on his forearm. "Now, I know today will be a difficult day for you. I'm confident that as soon as the babies are delivered, Beca will begin to rally and we'll be able to bring her out of the coma."

"And if not?"

"We're doing everything we can. Now, we are going to take Beca down to the theatre now. You can accompany her to the doors and then as soon as the babies are delivered, we'll bring them out to you."

"Can I have a moment with Beca please?"

"Of course."

Jesse watched as everyone cleared out of the room. He waited until the door closed behind them before he began to speak.

"Becs, I'm not sure if you can hear me or not. I hope you can because I really want you to hear what I have to say. Beca, I love you. I've always loved you. From juice pouches and Rocky to our trip to the Egyptian pyramids to the time you shut my finger in the door, I've loved you. You've been part of my life since I was a boy and I don't know how to be a man without you. Please wake up. Today we get to meet our daughters; the babies we've longed for for so many years. Please don't let an ignorant mistake ruin this for us. Open your eyes and show me that you love me enough to … to want to to share this with me for the rest of our lives. Beca, I don't know how to do this without you."

**.o0o.**

**_One step closer_**

"Jesse?"

"Benji. Hey." Jesse swivelled in his chair outside the operating room where the orderlies had just pushed Beca through the double doors. He caught a glimpse at the team of surgeons waiting to deliver his daughters. He knew that they would likely be taken straight through to the critical care unit.

He was torn. Did he follow his daughters or did he stay with Beca? They were going to attempt to rouse her after she delivered the babies and give her a chance to come around. He didn't know what to do. He needed someone to tell him.

"Silly question, but how are you doing?" Benji asked, thrusting a steaming cup of coffee into Jesse's hand.

"I'm not sure." Jesse concluded. "I mean, I get to meet my babies today but Beca should meet them first."

"I know man, I know. You and Becs always said 'one each' when you are referring to them being born. You'll have to hold both of them until she wakes up."

"What if she doesn't?"

Benji fell silent. He didn't know what to say. He bumped Jesse's shoulder a couple of times and they sat in silence for a minute or two. There was a flurry of activity down the corridor and they both instinctively tucked their legs under the seat as a team of nurses rushed towards them pushing a crash cart. Jesse turned to Benji and was about to speak when the resuscitation team turned right in front of them and into the operating room where Jesse's family were.

He was on his feet in an instant, running towards the doors. Something felt very wrong. He paused at the door as a nurses face came into view in the glass panel. He felt Benji hand on his arm and he was aware of several of his friends rising from their seats in the waiting area.

The nurse pushed open the door and Jesse glanced upwards and into the room and he felt his knees began to shake as he watched the paddles being attached to Beca's chest. He saw no more as the heavy doors swung closed and the nurse holding a small, tightly wrapped bundle in her arms passed it towards him.

"This is baby number one." She said, pushing the blankets aside so Jesse could see the baby's face.

Jesse looked down in confusion, unsure what he had been given but as soon as he saw the tiny pink face, all wrinkled and cross looking, his heart melted into a puddle on the floor. It was like looking at an exact copy of Beca, a complete miniature version of his beloved wife. He felt his knees buckle and needed to sit down. Benji, still steadfast by his side, guided him to the chairs a few feet away and pushed him to sit down.

"This is my baby." Jesse said, dumbfounded as he looked up at Benji, tears pooling but he couldn't blink them away. If he blinked it meant he would have to take his eyes off the small person in his arms for a split second. After staring at his daughter for the longest time, he looked up to the nurse who was watching him on the other side of the corridor, her face straining with emotion. He called out to her. "Please? Where is my other daughter?"

The nurse put both hands up to her mouth and held back a sob as she took a few steps towards Jesse and Benji, kneeling down on the floor next to them both.

"I am so sorry."

"Sorry?" Jesse asked, confused.

"Baby number two … she didn't … they did everything they could … she was … I'm so sorry."

"I don't understand." Jesse said.

"There was no heartbeat. The stress of the end of the pregnancy perhaps? The delivery itself?"

"Are you telling me my daughter is dead?"

"I'm so very sorry."

"I need my wife awake. I need her. She has to be told about this. She won't stand for this. Where is she?" Jesse said, standing suddenly and walking towards the doors once more.

"Sir, you can't go in there. They are working on her right now. Please, they are doing everything they can for her."

"Give me the baby Jesse." Benji said, reaching out for the surviving twin to hold. He beckoned to the family who were waiting a few feet away and Jesse's parents came running down the corridor.

Benji took a moment to explain and the cries of disbelief ran through them all as the news settled in that the second twin hadn't survived birth. The baby was passed around for a few minutes, everyone heaping kisses onto her tiny face, willing her to be strong for her and her sister. Eventually she was taken away to the NICU where she would be monitored overnight. She seemed healthy and well.

They all sat to wait for news on Beca. An hour passed before the operating room door opened and the surgeon came out, pulling on his white coat as he walked through the opening. He was slightly taken aback by the volume of people outside his theatre but channelled his vision towards Jesse. He pulled his cap off his head and twisted it around his hand.

Jesse stood up and strode purposefully towards the doctor.

"Mr Swanson, I am terribly sorry. We did everything we could …"

**.o0o.**

In all honesty, Jesse felt useless.

The day of the funeral came and he didn't know how he survived. He was still numb and reeling from the news that his tiny little girl hadn't survived delivery. What came afterwards, like little ripple aftershocks was the news that his wife, his beautiful Rebekah had died while on the operating table, an hour after delivering his twin daughters.

That was news he simply couldn't accept in the beginning. As the days went on and the sleepless nights gave him time to think, he realised he'd known Beca was never going to wake up.

He heard the kind words spoken and shook the hands held out to him and the bumps on the shoulder from those who couldn't voice their thoughts. He agreed to call well meaning friends if he needed anything and tolerated the grief from others and accepted the truth of what had happened. He understood that other people were grieving but he couldn't even face Beca's father.

The piles of cards were mostly left unopened and unread, while the donations of home cooked meals and food parcels sat on the counter in the kitchen; too much to fit in the refrigerator or freezer. He knew his Mom would take care of that. All of their female friends were taking it in turns to look after the baby who was doing amazingly under the circumstances. Chloe had worried that Jesse would reject the little girl, unable to deal with the enormity of the situation presented to him but her fears were groundless. He clung fiercely to her, holding her tight and doing what he could to look after her, despite his inexperience.

Jesse's Dad would be the one keeping the house in order, opening the door to quiet knocks and fielding phone calls from saddened friends and relatives. But that did not help him feel less dazed, pathetic, worthless and frankly; troubled. It did however, give Jesse time to bond with his baby. They had briefly talked about names over a couple of late night chats and Jesse felt an enormous sense of responsibility on what to do. Beca had liked the names Grace and Melody; a throwback to their combined love of music. He had wanted more formal names but he decided to honour Beca's wishes seeing as it was to be the one thing she would be able to do for her daughters.

It was the silence that he couldn't cope with so he threw himself into being the best father he could. Little Grace might not grow up knowing her mother but he'd do everything he could to let her know all about her mother and the twin sister she had that no one had gotten the chance to know.

After the funeral service, his closest friends had come back to the house. They had already decided not to leave him alone and organised a simple rota between them so that someone was always there with them. Jesse sat, while people fussed all around him, looking at the service sheet in his hand. Bumper had designed the front cover, choosing a picture of Beca that was natural and showed off her real beauty. He ran his finger over her name 'Rebekah Mitchell Swanson' and the name of his baby girl, Melody. Investigations proved that Melody had passed away a day or so before her delivery. They were buried together in the same coffin and that gave Jesse some comfort to know neither of them were alone.

He was acutely aware of Benji holding out a glass of whiskey, pressing it into his hand. He closed his fingers around the glass and brought the cool liquid up to his lips. Knocking back the lot in one gulp, he passed the service sheet to Benji who looked at it.

"You had an amazing wife there." Benji said and Jesse nodded. "Truly incredible."

"I agree." Chloe said as she sat on the other side of Jesse, pressing a small kiss on his cheek. "She must have known."

"Known what?" Jesse mumbled, the whiskey numbing his tongue a little.

"About Melody. She didn't want that little girl to go on the journey by herself so Beca went with her."

"Hmmm." He said, noncommittally. "We did always say we were going to have one each. I never expected her to be so literal."

"She left you a gift Jesse. She couldn't stay when her other baby needed her so much. She trusted you enough to look after little Grace. I know that is no comfort to you right now but maybe in the months to come."

Jesse reached for Chloe's hand and gave it a tight squeeze. He knew what she was trying to say, but the words felt useless. He heard his daughter cry and instinctively he jumped up and took the stairs two at a time to get to her bedroom; the room he and Beca had lovingly decorated together. He scooped her up and held her close, tucking her against his cheek.

"You and me …" He said to the ten day old little girl in a soothing voice immediately quieting her whimpers. His voice rang out throughout the house as all of the baby monitors picked up his words. "... it's just us now. You are my precious gift and I love you more than all of the stars in the sky. I'll give you a thousand kisses to show you that and then I'll give you a thousand more from your Mother. You are so like your Mommy and I can't wait to tell you all about her. Let me start now with the story of how we first met …"


End file.
